im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
