Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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