Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
