my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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