I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
