After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
