she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
