Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
