A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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