HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
