just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
