You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
