I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
