I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
