Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
