How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
