i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
