A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
