I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
