He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
