he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
