haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
