this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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