Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
