remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
