Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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