dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
