his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
