yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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