i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
