I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
