Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
