OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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