Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
