hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
