dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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