fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
