i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
MIDGETS
????
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
