I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
