She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is my gift to your gina
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
