remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
