Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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