Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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