Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
