I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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