for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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