What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
