And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
