I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
