Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
