apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
