My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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